Undersharing
Saw this post⤻ about oversharing. I find that I have the opposite problem in my life. It's connected to a previous post of mine, figured I'd expand a bit more on the points.
I found myself really resonating with the post, thinking back to times in my own life that fit the description. I don't have any horror stories to point to of being burned by oversharing. I inherited my standoffish nature from my father. I can distinctly remember when, as a child, he told me to guard my heart, my story, and my life. I don't have a great hold on when this was specifically, I was probably 9 or 10 years old at the time, recounting a story from my day at school and mentioning that I told a friend of mine something personal either about our house or a family member. Not sure exactly, but something like that. I remember him saying 'why did you tell them that? What good could come from them knowing?' And not having any good answer. Since then, I've always been more tight-lipped⤻.
And so with that backstory established, perhaps you'll understand when I say that I think my problem is undersharing. I am loath to admit that there are very, very few people who know much about me at all. Even my closest friends probably only know ~70% of my core attributes. But the average acquaintance of mine may only reach 17%, even months or years into our association. Maybe I'm wrong, but I can't help but think that this contributes to my below average amount of friends. How can you be friends with someone you know next to nothing about? When coworkers ask me about my weekend or my personal life, I lie. Primarily by omission. I do it instinctively, not maliciously. I don't want them to know much at all, lest they think poorly of me for it. People are biased, unconsciously so, by everything they know. So if my boss were to find out that I actually hold political views they find objectionable, that could only hurt my career.
But while that's a potential downside to sharing, there are potential upsides. Perhaps they are aligned with me. Perhaps they like the same polarizing music/food/sports team. Or they know someone else who shares my obscure hobby and puts us in contact. Or even just that they recognise my sharing as an act of vulnerability and respect me for it in its own right. That they can feel more personally connected to me, that they know me more, that they can trust me more to be honest/upfront with them. And that could be the start of a true friendship, beyond the 9-5.
And all this applies to people I meet outside of my job as well. In a scenario where I'm with people I don't really know well, I am especially guarded. I want to be the 'best possible version of myself' when I'm meeting someone. But... that's not the 'real' me, is it? And perhaps that's obvious and off-putting. Perhaps I should be more open. More vulnerable. More... human, less robot.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]