No Love Lost
Inspired by this video⤻
The world is not as it used to be. Or at least, it's not the way it used to seem. But maybe that's just because it never actually was the way it seemed to be. The way it used to be was an illusion of necessity. An agreed upon pretense. And now that we've dropped the masquerade in the name of 'progress', the reality of the world is laid bare.
The world of relationships between men and women has been a topic of discussion probably since before humanity even had language. Historically, relationships were built around necessity. Women didn’t choose to marry men based on attraction or 'personality'. They couldn't afford to. Men were simply needed for physical safety and resource production. Try not to think about it too hard, but your grandmother probably didn't love your grandfather solely for his looks. She needed him to provide for her. Women in earlier eras had far fewer options and far less independence.
Today the dynamic has changed. Women have careers of their own and therefore the ability to build lives without a man (Happiness not guaranteed [that's another topic for another post {which I'll likely never get around to}]). This has removed the 'need' that once held a vast amount of relationships together. Modern dating is shaped by choice rather than pragmatic reasons. It's not uncommon for women to spend their early twenties dating men they find highly attractive or charismatic, only to then later settle with more stable partners. This mismatch between early experiences and later expectations seems to contribute to dissatisfaction and the sense that relationships are harder to maintain without the pressures of old.
And so it follows that this has a broader impact on social trends and society generally. Wide portions of the world are seeing declining birth rates and shifting demographics. When relationships are no longer reinforced by necessity, people become less willing to compromise. You don't 'need' to put up with anything less than ideal. People are less willing to stay in unhappy situations, whether or not those differences could be remedied with minimal effort, because why even put in minimal effort if you don't have to? And with less motivation to stay together, people are less motivated to start families. This 'unwillingness' defines the current zeitgeist.
The pretense of old has to be dropped. There's no need to pretend that it's about 'love at first sight' or courting women with romantic poems. It's all transactional. What can you do for me? Not (necessarily) in an exploitative way. Modern dating is shaped by independence (women can provide for themselves) and increased choice (the internet has 1000000x everyone's options) on both sides.
A dating market based more on attraction isn't wrong or bad. 'It is what it is' as the kids say. Independence for women has fundamentally altered the scenario. It's not worth pretending that the dating landscape of old isn't radically different from the current state. People lament that it seems that no one cares to fall in love anymore. But I say 'No love lost', because maybe there never really was love there to begin with, and it's time for people to admit it.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]