It's Dark Alright
So I'm watching a German TV show called Dark. It's nonsense. SUPER TLDR - time travel adventures and everything is predetermined. And that's been messing with me. Because obviously the time travel stuff isn't real but maybe the other part is. Put on top of that the lectures I've been also listening to recently. Self improvement stuff. Talking about finding what life is about and how to do it to avoid making your life and everyone else's the worst possible outcome imaginable. Then bring back the death anxiety I've always had (life is meaningless. Time is unstoppable. Before I know it I'll be old and dying ((or young and dead)) and I'm not able to accept death because it's the unknown).
I'm a goddamn mess. But the worst part THE WORST is that... I feel like I'm doing everything I can. I'm watching the lectures and hearing the lessons and trying to integrate them. I went to school to apply the aptitude I've been blessed with. I'm trying to dress better, act better, BE better. But it all decays in the face of the inevitable. And the undying fear that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]