I Can't Lie, I Can't Lie
I struggle with lying. I am a compulsive, uninhibited, chronic truth teller. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to lie. Now you may be saying 'But [Redacted], in your undersharing post, you mentioned that you lie by omission all the time.' That's the only lie I'm capable of. Omission. Never fabrication. It's easy enough when someone asks what I did that weekend to just say 'nothing', but I've never told them I did something different than what I actually did.
I would make the world's worst poker player. I've played some with my friends at university (not in a casino, just at a friend's place for a small wager) and always took last place. I can't pretend to have a better hand than I was actually dealt. And I am too trusting. I put my opponents on a stronger hand than me every time. So I end up either playing strong hands and they fold to avoid me, or I end up folding giving them credit for something they may not actually have.
But this is a matter that goes beyond my lack of a poker career. It's a character... flaw? I only question it because most people would say that 'lying' is a character flaw so 'not lying' would be something desirable. But perhaps 'too much of a good thing' isn't optimal either.
I am, in the words of my late Uncle Ted, 'Oversocialised'. I feel a disproportionate amount of shame when I do something considered immoral. Normally socialised people lie, cheat, steal, and feel mild negative feelings. They know they shouldn't, but they don't lose sleep over lying to their boss about being sick so they could get the day off. As an oversocialised person, I cannot do these kind of things without large amounts of guilt and self-hatred.
I am lucky in that I live in a place where my survival is not dependent on lying, cheating, or stealing. Otherwise... I'd be out of luck.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]