Heavier Than Usual
I'm just an excess person. Not needed for anything. Not for my community. Not for the preservation of my nation. Not for anyone or anything. Totally disposable. Compostable, at least. But not useful.
I work for people who wouldn't save me if all it took was to blow out a candle. I give them 2000+ hours of my life every year. For what? For their own enrichment. For the progression of their goals. Goals that mean the destruction of people like me. And in return I get a salary (of which the government [whose goals also are my destruction] takes a sizable portion) and the ability to buy things (from corporations who push the same destruction). So I buy things. I do stuff. But it's never enough. Not enough to make myself "needed" by anyone or anything.
That's all I want, really. To be needed. Wanted. The most obvious version of this is marriage. To be wanted and needed by a spouse. To support myself and them. Then to become a parent. Bringing up children who also need and want me. But beyond the small scale, the desire to be needed and wanted by my community. To play a role there. To be needed by my nation, to have a say in its direction and be assured that its aims are at least somewhat aligned with my community's. But that's all gone. At least, it is for people like me. People who are not encouraged to have any sense that they belong to a community. Forbidden from thinking that the nation they inhabit has a role for them to play and should have alignment with their desires for its direction.
So as a person destined for oblivion, I just type into the void. Soon the world will be ruin. I'll be gone. And I'll leave no one beyond me. But there will be people there. And they will go on until their eventual destruction at the hands of power. Should I feel grief for them? In a way, I bear non-zero responsibility. I did nothing. I never made a stand. I simply let myself be pummeled into obscurity, leaving the world just that little bit worse than how I found it.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]