Frozen in Time
I feel like I've been stuck in time for a long while now. I've always been reluctant to "move on". To accept the end of an era and go on to whatever is next. Even some very early memories are like that. I distinctly remember at the boardwalk, I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, and wanted to ride the boats that I used to but I was too tall. More recently, I've always sort of been associated with people younger than me. In high school, [redacted names] and other people younger than me in band. I also played sports by age, and I was young for my grade due to when my birthday was in the year. As such, I played primarily with kids in the grade below me. Then at university, I once again found myself closer with people who were younger than me.
At the time, I had the feeling that high school ending was the worst thing that could happen to me (maybe it was lol). Then again with the end of university. I was still part of the chats. I went to [Spring Break] where I only knew 1/4 of the people still in the group. Or with [redacted person from high school]. For a little while after graduation, I was living in the delusion that they were still around, still an option for me. I just can't seem to let go.
It's different than just normal nostalgia, in that I'm still close to what I'm longing for. I'm not Uncle Rico, 48 years old, daydreaming about high school football. I just don't want to admit that the current chapter of my life is ending. In some ways it's better than normal nostalgia in that I'm not being deluded into thinking I can change/return to the past. But in another way it's almost worse because I'm delaying my future and setting myself up for the next chapter of my life in the wrong way.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]