Comedy Crumb
I release the rights to this bit by posting it here. Perhaps someone has already made this joke, but I haven't heard it before.
The basic premise would be that anyone buying a newspaper should just be arrested on the spot. No one reads the newspaper. The only remaining uses for a newspaper are clipping it up to write those cryptic ransom notes and then using the front page in a proof-of-life photo for the kidnapped. Therefore, anyone buying a newspaper must be a kidnapper.
That's it. It obviously needs some working and finessing if it's gonna get any laughs in a show. If you try it, Good Luck!
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]