Can I Leave?
It's one of those days where I feel like there's so much in life that I want to do but feel unable to do. The one I have no control over is getting married. I can't make someone love me. So that's just not gonna happen no matter how I try. But the other stuff is all accessible. Learning a new language. Woodworking. Getting a new wardrobe. Learning about audio equipment. Hiking/Backpacking. There's just so much to do. And it all costs money. But more than that, it all takes time. How can I possibly do these things (or enough to be content) while working full time? How can anybody do it?
I read parts of a short book about how to start a farm. And it just really gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I long for the old days of self sufficiency and craftsmanship. Of working in a field or in a workshop with your hands. Building something. Growing something. Having nothing but that which you need. To buy a plot of land and to provide for yourself and your family with it. I fantasize about living somewhere like a cabin in the woods with a small (or not so small) family. Hunting. Gardening. Woodworking. All the classics. Homeschool. Maybe my career was a mistake. Forever trapped in [redacted type of work]. Chained to metropolitan areas devoid of nature and the connection to my humanity I crave.
I just want to get out of here. "Here" being the state (not just the actual territory of [redacted]) I'm in. Single. Working for some giant, faceless, international company. Being a weak and ineffective loser. All I truly want is to raise a family outside of the purview of corporations and government who want to crush me. To have some sense of control over my own life. To have some sense of belonging... a group of people with your ideals and well being in mind (even if it's just your own family at first).
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]