Blown Chances, Altered Stances
I've blown my (small) chance with [redacted]. And I'm afraid they've realized what kind of person I am to the point of not wanting to hangout/talk with me anymore. I've overplayed my hand. Exposed myself for being the freak that I am. And have since been judged. They say they don't mind, but I don't believe them. We'll see what they say going forward... if anything. Heck this. I hate that my opinions are so revolting. I just don't want to be propagandized by my employer. Is that so horrific?
In other news, [the same redacted person] seems confident that I won't end up alone. They made me promise that I would keep trying. Why must they stand in the way of my fate? Honestly, they probably wouldn't mind if I gave up. Not have to deal with me anymore, not have to worry about me spreading my opinions.
What a wild turn my life has taken. Just taking a step back and looking at who I am now. And how I got here. From 2019 to right now... I hardly recognize me anymore. I've been turned into a monster I suppose. I feel far more dissatisfaction than ever before. I see more evil in the world. I see the (seemingly) irreversible march away from what I believe made this country what it once was, turned sour from a century of subversion. But I'm not in a position to make any changes. I feel powerless. Unprepared for any coming hardship. Dependent upon the system I seek to avoid. How did this all happen to me? And so quickly. It's been just a few years and I've gone from a moderate with somewhat central views to not being able to let on what I truly think to anyone beyond my closest friends. And even they don't *really* know, it's couched in enough humor to pass inspection. From normal to [redacted] in such a short time. Crazy how fast I'd been corrupted. Sad really. A shame there's no going back either.
Yours Truly,
[Redacted]